Tuesday, February 19, 2008

boob toob 2

The problem of the television has been solved.

Mike killed the tv.

He's probably going to be upset about this post, because I'm going to write about his weird electrical mojo. He won't admit to having it, and denies that it even exists - and honestly, who can blame him? The whole idea sounds downright bizarre and hocus-pocus. But things keep happening and it's getting a little creepy...and annoying. I cannot tell you how tired I am of buying replacement appliances.

When we first met, Mike joked about how every horn on every car he ever owned stopped working. And since then, in our (almost) nine years of marriage, we have had 3 coffeemakers, quite a few answering machines and cordless phones, and I don't know how many clock radios.

He somehow ruins all of his bank cards, making paying for purchases frustrating for all involved. He swipes his card over and over in the little card reading device, to no avail. He hands the card to the checkout girl, who swipes and swipes and then swipes again, covering the card with a grocery bag. Still nothing. I quietly stand there, smirking at him until he asks me sheepishly, "Do you have your card?" I pull out my card, swipe it through the machine - once - and it works just fine.

Now, he doesn't abuse his card in anyway. It's tucked away in his wallet, which is then carried all day in his back pocket. Like any normal man, right? But I married a man with a superpower. Unfortunately, it seems to be a demagnetizing ass.

So, now the 3 year old, not-an-off-brand, television is the newest addition to the small appliance graveyard. Mike touched it and *bloop*! Dead.


Anonymous said...

In college, one of my housemates could unformat floppy disks just by being near them. Once, when stressing mightily about her thesis, she managed to do the same thing to her laptop's hard drive.

Some people just...radiate.

breda said...

but radiate what, exactly?

the whole thing is just so freaky.

Rustmeister said...

Magnetism. Especially cards and floppies. Magnetic fields wipe them clean, and with magnetism and electricity so closely related, the appliances suffer as well.

You need to encase him in lead. =)

Anonymous said...

I sympathize with you completely. LabRat doesn't have the demagnetizing ass (that I know of), but she does have an uncanny ability to break damn near anything. To cut down noise, I installed water cooling on her computer. Despite proper maintenance and so forth, she managed to get the water pump to collapse the hoses throughout the entire system. This left the CPU, ah, a tad warm. I even had to replace the seatbelts in my old truck because of her. The passenger's side seat belt would not stay fastened for her. At random intervals, even over perfectly smooth road, it would just pop out. Never did it for me, but wouldn't stay fastened for more than about five minutes for her.

My mother also has The Anti-Knack with computers. Any system she uses will spontaneously develop software/hardware quirks that simply Should Not Be. I finally had to set her up with an exact part-for-part clone of my own computer, which of course works without ever giving me so much as a hiccup, and she still has managed to get it to break and malfunction. This would be less frustrating if she wasn't a programmer.

I'd say let's round up these folks and put 'em all in one room, but I'm afraid they might spontaneously generate a black hole or something. And you just know that it'd form just far enough away that they'd be safe and us watchers would get sucked in.

me said...

Hey, it's not all bad. For instance, when we go to the REAL ID I'm stopping by your library in hopes of having him work his mojo on it...and he can't be chipped.

I've zapped a couple things, but nowhere near his count. Be proud, it's a gift.

Ian Argent said...

Breda, did you marry Harry Dresedn under an alias?

Anonymous said...

Put him in a Faraday cage. Look it up.

Christina RN LMT said...

Ian...don't even go there!

Harry Dresden is MINE!

Breda, what can I say? Does he shock you all the time (with static electricity, I mean!)?

It all sounds kinda mysterious and spooky...

Anonymous said...

It actually is magnetism.back when mechanical watches were common I had to have mine degaussed every couple of months.Watchmakers and repairmen were quite familiar with this phenomenon and had special degaussers for folks like me.I was told about 5% of the populace had the same problem.

Anonymous said...

What everyone else said is correct. Some folks exude a magnetic field. Nothing can really be done about it, as far as I know.

I'd start calling him "Mike-neto".

mac said...

I had a roommate in college whose analog watch would eventually run backwards. Not just slowly, backwards.

Jennifer said...

I think it has something to do with being named Michael. My husband (www.evylrobot.com) has similar issues. And yeah, the kiddo too. Should have known better than to name him Michael Isaac.