Friday, July 25, 2008

the visitation

Sometime in the wee small hours of the morning, just around the time a kitten decides that he needs to either get under the blankets with me or start biting my toes, I heard a noise. The cat heard it too and jumped off the bed. I sat up and the first words out of my mouth were,"Holy shit."

Mike was sound asleep beside me. I really did not want to be alone with this noise so I shook him awake. "Mike. Mike," I said softly. "Do you hear that?"

He woke up with a gasp."Wha...? Huh?"

"Shhh. Listen, " I said. The noise started again.

He was standing up and moving before he was even conscious, heading out of the bedroom and down the stairs. The cats were all scrambling for places to hide.

The noise continued. It was outside, I could tell that much now, but that was little comfort. This was the spookiest noise I had ever heard in my life. Unnatural. It was bloodcurdling, like a cross between a crazed, rabid animal and a babbling two year old human child. (people tell me there is a difference)

I went to the second floor porch that overlooks the backyard - not an easy feat for a half asleep, half naked person who forgot to put on both her leg and her glasses. I peered out into the darkness and saw movement. A small creature was slinking away. We have a phuka in the backyard, I thought. All those fairy stories my father told were true! (As if the banshee storm the night he died wasn't proof enough.)

"Mike!" I said, scaring him half to death in the dark hallway as he came up the stairs. "What was that thing? Did you see it?"

"It was just a cat, Breda. Come back to bed." He seemed unfazed, already slipping back into sleep.

Laying there awake, still not convinced, I heard the first birdsong of the morning.


Liberty said...

Possibly the start of the zombie apocalypse. Damn things wander around my backyard at the crack of dawn every morning, calling out like roosters. "BBRRRAAAAIINNSS!" They're migratory, you know.

Better to hear those creepy noises outside the home! Your experience would probably be quite a bit different if it was coming from your kitchen or basement.

Jay G said...

Did someone say "Zombie apocalypse"???

[breaking out the Winchester]

(Glad to hear it wasn't a wayward sprite come to bear off our favorite librarian...)

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...



RedneckInNY said...

The Zombie Apocalypse is already among us - the 18- to 24-year-olds who are walking around brain-dead. They are officially known as "The Slacker Generation." Haha.

Breda, you should take up archery too. You could have dispatched said creature without waking the neighbors. And if you accidentally happen to kill Bigfoot, you'd be famous. You'd be the first with physical evidence of the elusive creature.

phlegmfatale said...

I lived in an old house in a heavily treed old neighborhood once, and the back corner of my house below my bedroom window was the local squirrel lovepit. It took me a while to learn to sleep through all that squirrel magic, but I finally managed. The first few times, though, I nearly came out of my skin. *much eye-rolling*

doubletrouble said...

Coincidentally, I heard some critter action out in the woods last night as well. Still not sure what it was, but the screaming, hissing, & growling reminded me much of my ex-wife.

word verif: cetls (almost!)

Anonymous said...

In the yard?! Wait until this happens. That will get your blood pumping.


Mark Alger said...

Heh. The Kitteh Apawcalypze.


smith kaich jones said...

I my ownself have leapt out of a nice comfy bed, and armed only with a flashlight (I PROMISE I'll do better next time, but, in my defense, I thought it was just cats!) run outside to find myself face to face with two shrieking ANGRY battling raccoons. It was only after I got back into the house that my ankle reminded me it was sprained & trying to recuperate, for God's sake, and what did I think I was doing running on it all full-tilt-boogie? Funny how adrenaline just
wipes out pain. Also kinda funny how the pain just comes right back.

DirtCrashr said...

Use a Surefire flashlight with at least 105 lumens for these nocturnal forays, that amount of light-blast bugs the crap out of most critters, and even loving raccoons chattering up a tree will falter their tender embrace and depart.

Arthur said...

What's a phuka?

I did a quick google search and got a lot of "gansta" type nicknames...

BobG said...

"What's a phuka?"

Also known as a pooka; sort of a malicious member of the sidhe who can take different shapes; a common one is the puca horse.

Mad Saint Jack said...

A Surefire G2 LED put out 80 lumens and is about the cheapest combat light you can get into. The LED will save you a lot of money on batteries.
Black or Yellow.

kaveman said...

My guess is that it was a cat in heat.

Did it sound like this?

smith kaich jones said...

Thanks for the flashlight-as-a-weapon info. Is this a great place or what?

And wasn't "Harvey" (you know, Jimmy Stewart's Harvey?) a pooka? A big one, too. Who drank.

PS - Seriously - the word verification letters I have to type in to get this message through are "plzwhy". I'm thinking of having that put on my license plates. Can I get a question mark after the letters? That would be way cool.

doubletrouble said...

I think the correct expression is "What the phuka?"


TJH said...

If it's screaming, it's either a raccoon, or a cat fighting with a raccoon.

Gregg said...

Please recall that dealing with a pooka is not too tough. A saucer of milk, or preferably Uisge (whiskey for the non-gaels)outside the back door tends to do the trick. OTOH, a good length of cold steel helps if the saucer doesn't placate them. I'm sure Tam could help with the acquisition of steel should it prove necessary.