Saturday, December 6, 2008

self image

Mike let me sleep late this morning. He tucked me in, shooed the cats out of the room and closed the door. Four pillows, a pile of blankets and an entire full sized bed, all to myself. Heavenly.

And I dreamed. My typical late morning dreams come complete with plot lines, an interesting cast of characters, exciting locations - all in vivid technicolor. They're so detailed that I often find myself thinking about them later in the day, as if remembering snippets of a film I'd just seen in the theater.

But lately I've noticed that something has changed in my dreams. Me. I walk through them carrying a gun (and it's my gun, my Bersa) on my hip now. It's just there in my holster, same as it always is in my waking life. That it's there at all seems as natural as breathing - it's just what I do, who I am.

I've had to draw only once.


Earl said...

Once I told some people I was teaching that if one took a weapon out of the carry position you would have committed to pulling the trigger. Now in your dream did you pull the trigger? Being a rational adult in full control you do know that you don't have to pull the trigger, but you already committed to pulling the weapon so you have determined that shooting was the only level of protection you have left. That is wear self defense falls apart - not understanding that the weapon without pulling the trigger isn't going to stop someone that can't or doesn't see it, or that thinks you won't pull the trigger - more wars start because the signs of commitment to self defense isn't clearly understood. Pull the trigger, sort it out later, you were protecting yourself from the target or you never would have brought it out of the carry position. Pointing a gun and talking isn't working in the world outside of Hollywood. Always the four safety rules apply, but knowing your target and what lies behind means you are ready to pull the trigger. Pull it.

word verification sting

Earl said...

Not wear - where is what should have been typed, sigh.

amenabs ? psychic?

Weer'd Beard said...

My last few vivid dreams I was carrying too.

I also ware underwear and shoes in dreams....I see it as the same phenomenon.

Don't leave home without it!

Eric said...

I used to play hockey (goalie) and had a vivid dream in which I was back on the ice. I made a glove save and my left hand hit the headboard with such force, it woke my wife up!

LabRat said...

I don't get that sort of thing in my dreams (because I don't carry- yet), but I get the same sorts of extremely vivid late-morning dreams, and my self-image is definitely strongly reflected in them.

I knew I'd turned a corner on my last major stressor when my standard anxiety dream of pummeling an enemy but being unable to really hurt them changed to beating them up so badly I felt guilty and worried I'd be jailed.

Christina LMT said...

I often have incredibly detailed and vivid dreams as well, but when I dream about being armed, it's usually a bad dream. You know, you shoot and shoot the bad guy, but somehow the bullets don't harm him? That sort of dream. Ugh.

Old NFO said...

Nice to know the subconscious has accepted concealed carry :-)

John B said...

Maybe that Jolly Boy who pestered you a couple months back on your 'girls night out', should be reading your blog at this point.

Weer'd Beard said...

Christina LMT, I think everybody who's thought long and hard about personal defense has had that dream. No matter how hard we train and the different targets and training drills there's no real way to know how that will translate to flesh and blood until the shit hits the fan, and I don't think any of us like that fact.

Carteach0 said...

Earl, I agree with you to a point. Should I have to draw, I expect to be committed to fire. I train with draw/fire practice because of that. I want the muscle memory to be there when my own brain has left the building.

On the other hand... I recognize that events can change in a millisecond, and even a trigger pull can be aborted if the conditions warrant it.

Practice... practice.... practice... and prepare the mind ahead of time.

As for the dream... my only CCW dream is the one where I didn't bring enough gun(s) to the party. :-(

Earl said...

Hopefully brains never leave the building but pain sometimes rules the entire mind, practice always and one would never shoot what one doesn't need to destroy or eat - I have never a problem with enough guns nor ammunition when I dream, it is always finding working toilet facilities - busted plumbing rules my military dreams, always had plenty of guns.

Crucis said...

One of the things that drove me to get a CCW when they became available in my state was dreaming of getting shot. In reality, I've been shot at a couple of times but not hit.

But that dream was a real "wake up!"

AztecRed said...

I never see guns or hear gun shots in my dreams. In my dreams, I do all my shooting with my fingers, like I did as a child. And the cool thing is it actually works. Even though I don't carry a gun, i've had many pantomime gun fights in my dreams.

Willorith said...

Three times I dreamed of being shot. In one dream I was shot three times in the face with a .25 auto and I died. My getting shot dreams ended many years ago when I dreamed of shooting a very bad person six times in the face (revolvers were still cool in the 70's)

Holly said...

Since I started carrying I've had a couple of those dreams where I've had to draw and something goes wrong--either the gun misfires or the weapon gets taken away from me somehow (once by an accomplice that I didn't see).

These are scary, but I've been training in martial arts for years and I go through phases of having these "failure-to-overcome" dreams, usually around the time my ability jumps to a new plateau. Once, as I was getting cocky about my kung-fu, I had an awful dream about opening my apartment door, and the bad guy waiting outside sicced his dog on me. I'd seen the guy, was prepared for him, but not the dog.

I've come to think of these dreams as mental-training and I file away the situation for further study.

On the other hand, since I was a teenager I've had regular dreams in which the monsters were attacking and everyone around me panicked while I gathered the few sensible souls together and we made fortifications. Except for the rare times when I have those "failure" dreams, I always win, in my dreams.

The fact that Breda dreams of her gun in place and ready probably means she feels confident about herself and the choices she has made.

Rick R said...

Glad I'm not alone. I had one of those dreams a few months back.

Dreamed I was in our bedroom and the dog jumped up suddenly, real growly & mean sounding, waking me up. Wife was still asleep. I reached over & grabbed the .45 out of the nightstand turned to look at a shadow in our doorway (intentionally placed night light backlights anyone in our doorframe). I remember lining up the shot, pulling the trigger & nothing happening. SAFETY ON!! I remember the movement, feel, and LOUD click of the safety going off. I remember squeezing the trigger again & the sound of the gun going off woke me up.

Since then I have practiced (almost every morning) waking up pulling .45 out of drawer & hitting the safety in the same movement.

Strange how the subconcious can tell you things.

dr mac said...