Friday, February 5, 2010

extrasensory

Right now, my world smells like a combination of cheap perfume, someone's unbrushed teeth, book dust, the remains of my cup of coffee, a coat that has been left in mothballs too long, whatever died in the air ducts, a tomato sauce based microwave meal, my boss's sneakers under her desk, and hot air from the space heater. I'm also beginning to suspect that someone vomited in the wastebasket nearby.

I sniff the sandalwood oil on my wrists in self-defense.

14 comments:

Top of the Chain said...

Jedi Mind Trick: All you smell is the heady scent of Bacon

Mike W. said...

You could always keep a bottle of Hoppes #9 handy...

Rev. Paul said...

Wow - you're having ALL the fun today. I'm with Mike W. Do they mind if you clean a few shootin' irons at your desk?

Just trying to help. :^)

Lissa said...

Me, I recommend keeping a bit of Tiger Balm about. It's great on very sore muscles, stellar on itchy bug bites, and -- if a bit is rubbed under your nose -- will effectively block any other scents.

It might make your eyes water, but hey, it's not a bad trade-off!

Robert Langham said...

Russian gas masks on ebay.

George said...

This will take your mind off those odors. From the Feb. 1st issue of Maclean's Magazine ... Bacon-Caramel Popcorn. Unlike the bevy of low-fat snacks on offer for the calorie-conscious masses, this treat is up-front about its artery-clogging nature. Bacon Bourbon Caramel Corn, developed by Chicago-based company Salted Caramel, combines the sweet flavour of caramel with the savoury, smoky goodness of bacon and bourbon to take decadent noshing to a whole new level. Movie night will never be the same.

Did it MY way said...

And probabely no windows that open.

George made me hungry.

See Ya

Frank W. James said...

You could always do the old movie detective trick as the cop in question gazes upon the week old dead body and smoke a bad cigar.

I know "No Smoking" in the library. (It was worth a try.)

All The Best,
Frank W. James

reflectoscope said...

A bacon lollipop would totally fix that.

Jim

Asphyxiated Emancipation said...

http://www.mcphee.com/shop/products/Bacon-Air-Freshener.html

That should help.

bgeek said...

Due to my wife's pregnancy powers, she can smell each and every component in a beef stew right now.

Skip said...

Hopps #9 or a drop of deisel om the bottom of your shoe will mask the oder of zombies.

Ed Rasimus said...

Sounds like the invasion of the homeless coming into the library to catch up on their reading of the classics. Remember the courts say you can't throw them out...but enough dirty looks and hovering nearby can make them uncomfortable, particularly if you've got a big burly security guy to do it.

Old NFO said...

Ouch!