Saturday, May 8, 2010

Oh, goodie...

I almost forgot. I'm flying next week - that means it's almost TSA swab time for everyone's favorite one-legged gun-toting librarian! I swear, it's a simpler endeavor to get a pistol on an airplane than the various bits and pieces of my own body.

Thanks so much for the reminder, Stingray. (Do I still need to give a language warning? I mean, come on...it's Stingray, master of profanity.)

Anyway, while I'm on the topic of prosthetics...I bought new sandals and get this - fake toenails. (Do people with ten real toes actually use these?) So now I'm debating a pedicure of some sort, which is probably an idea so made of fail it's bound to be legendary, set to rival the "Sure, this duct tape will hold my big toe on, no problem!" disaster.

I swear, the next leg I'm going full robo.

I also need to go get a haircut, do something about these grays, and...holy crap, what should I wear? It feels like I'm getting ready for a giant gunnie prom with the extra special bonus of travel anxiety. Gah.

17 comments:

Nancy R. said...

+1 on the "Gunnie Prom" thing. And I've never met any of you, so it's more like prom/first date all rolled into one.

Grays? Oh, crap. Hadn't even thought of that. I'm trying to convince myself they're just silver highlights. Denial. It ain't just a river in Egypt.

Jay G said...

"Gunnie prom"?

Shit, this means I'm gonna break out in zits, I know it...

Alan said...

I don't care what you call it, I'm NOT renting a damned tux.

Scott McCray said...

Man, Ri-Ra has no clue what it's in for - heh.

-Scott

reflectoscope said...

I really do hope this experience is better than your last.

Jim

Crucis said...

Just don't go sticking you hands into a pile of uncleaned once-fired brass just before you leave for the airport. I made the mistake of running late to catch a flight and not changing my jeans after a morning at the range.

TSA was not happy with me.

Lydia said...

Remember your favorite soon to be Colorado lesbian...and how much she would love a pink pistols shirt.

Robert Langham said...

Hope you ask for a memory-stick copy of your full-body scan. Just to make them wrinkle their noses.

Mike W. said...

Good luck with the TSA idiots and don't forget your Paraframe in your carry-on like last time.

og said...

I think a steampunk prosthesis would make you the coolest librarian ever.

And "Steampunk Prosthesis" would be a great band name, too.

WV: Winklie, as God is my Witness.

maddmedic said...

Better yet..stay off airplanes!! Airplanes BAD!!
Much bad mojo!! Much suxage!!
Need much ativan before I can even get on a damn airplane!!
So just stay off the damn things!!
Bad, Bad, Bad Airplanes!!
Well thats how I feel about airplanes...carry on...

PPPP said...

"Crucis said...
Just don't go sticking you hands into a pile of uncleaned once-fired brass just before you leave for the airport. I made the mistake of running late to catch a flight and not changing my jeans after a morning at the range.

TSA was not happy with me."

Back when they manually swabbed everything, before sniffers, I once used my college backpack as a carryon. I wasn't taking classes anymore, so I generally just used it to haul guns and ammo to the range and fired brass back from the range. I had to empty it out to use it as a carryon, and then I packed the main suitcase we were checking. Without washing my hands in between. Yep! The main suitcase swabbed positive for explosive residue. My wife was very puzzled, but we both apparently responded correctly, because they let it go after searching further. Only after we walked away from the TSA checkpoint did I tell her where the residue must have come from.

My backpack has had it's passport revoked, and has never flown again.

Beldar said...

Well, at least you know what you're in for.

Love my word verification--ectum. Just needs an r.

Hank

Eric said...

You need removable toes, then "accidentally" have one fall off. "Oh crap, could you help me get that?"

JC said...

I hit the link and was surprised that it wasn't a (much deleted hyperbole) PDF file. OTOH, the damn writing of the protocols could probably have kept me and my kids fed sheltered and clothed for the better part of a decade.

WV - Mereco: a place to dwell, e.g. "I live in a mereco"

Silver the Evil Chao said...

You're not the only one with travel anxiety - I fly out in a few days. And of course, TSA policy means that I'm going to have a HELL of a time going through security. I'm going to have to take off my shoes, empty my pockets (my cell phone, my wallet, my PokeWalker, my Nintendo DS, extra napkins, my MP3 player and headphones), unpack my laptop and stick it in a bin, unpack my PS2 and my Wii and stick THOSE in bins, put the case I'm carrying them in in a bin, put my backpack on the conveyor belt, declare my (liquid) allergy serum, and pray to Samus that my ice pack for keeping said serum cold is entirely frozen and not at all melted, lest I get another "warning" from a TSA official (at least the guy was nice). And then I have to walk through the thing and pray that I don't accidentally set it off somehow.

Is it surprising that I'm more afraid of going through security than I am of being in the sky in a tin can that can lead to potential death?

Daniel said...

Your devoted readers will need a pic of the pretty toenails, of course! Best of luck to you on your travels.