Tuesday, December 28, 2010

this was once for me

Oh, I suppose I could write about how I bought my mom a pink camo case for her new pistol and how excited she was when she unwrapped it Christmas day, or about how I've rediscovered my love for lamb and the amazing (and easy!) crockpot recipe I used, or about my awkward misadventures with Bollywood dance, or perhaps about the brand new crazy lady at the library, or maybe I could write about that blank canvas on my easel taunting me and how I've been craving color like a drug, or about how when I'm feeling sad or anxious I calm myself by imagining the view through a rifle scope and the mindfulness of breath that it requires.

But I won't.

Tender and thin skinned, tears brimming at random nonsensical moments, I find myself unable to bear the argumentative comments that somehow appear even on my most uncontroversial of posts. The sheer tediousness of undeserved snark and the weight of scrutiny have crushed my desire to write.

This, combined with 2010: Breda's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Year has made blogging a struggle, even on my best days.

Please stand by.

51 comments:

Divemedic said...

There are plenty of us out here that love reading your blog, and the amount of traffic you get should tell the tale. Remember, you can't keep everyone happy, so don't try. Just be you, and write what you please.

Let the haters hate.

Carteach0 said...

Hug. Breda, you do what you need to do for yourself. Always an ear and a shoulder here if you ever want... You are good people.

Ambulance Driver said...

So quote the back of a cereal box, verbatim.

I'll still read.

And I know an 8-year-old girl who thinks you're a hero. Who are you to argue with that? ;)

Lokidude said...

I don't comment much, because far smarter folks than I am say it far better than I could, as a rule. I have to say something here, though. Your posts have never failed to entertain, amuse, enlighten or intrigue me, and almost always bring a smile with them. Don't let the haters win, because there are far more of us who like you than there are haters who live to stir shit.

And I'm with AD. You could post pages from the phone book, I'd still visit.

Nathan said...

Don't forget the many hundreds of readers that enjoy your blog immensely and almost never post a response. As Rush Limbaugh sometimes says, "it isn't the number of callers that matters, it's the listeners..."

Mike W. said...

Do what makes you happy Breda. I want to see a happy Breda blogging. If you're not feeling it right now then don't worry about it. Snuggle with Mike & the kitties and do what you find enjoyable.

Also, don't let the haters get you down.

Melody Byrne said...

A Very Bad Year will do that to you. I've learned that as well, which is why I've pretty much dropped off the face of the planet recently. When life is doing its best to kick your ass putting on the proverbial "kick me" sign of public discourse loses its appeal.

Do whatever you need to do. We'll still be here.

Chip said...

I'm like Lokidude I always read but rarely comment, mostly because my own writing generally strikes me as bad. So here's what I've learned from 33 years as a firefighter. Tell em to f*$# off.

bigsmarthuman said...

Well, I almost never comment, but I do stop by every day to read whatever you may have written. I'm very sorry to hear that some commenters have taken away your joy in blogging.

You are a hero to me! I'm a gun chick because of you.

Here's hoping that 2011 is a very rich luscious wonderful joyful year for you. Maybe even yielding fun blogging. (At the very least, fun shooting.)

Kathleenie

Robert said...

Breda, I read often (and listen to the podcast), but comment seldom. But I love every piece I do read.

I am sorry 2010 was so rough, and I do hope 2011 shows up much better for you.

And about the rough comments: I've been on the Internet since before it was called that. There are jackasses who use the faceless nature of the medium to attack others because they are dirtbags who serve no useful purpose. The most important lesson I've learned from them -- they have no power over me save what I give them. I ignore their rantings because if they did hit something of a nerve, it was /blindly/. None of them ever seem to have an inkling of how a real human relationship works.

See, you *scare* them, because you are a woman with power, and they are neutered gonad-less shells with zero self-control and determination. So they perform weenie attacks as if that somehow makes them "even".

The best tactic to take with them is to silently ignore them. Delete their comments as if they never existed. And live your life your way.

Sabra said...

What everyone else said. Especially Mike W & AD. You could post your grocery list and I'd read it. And then probably not comment for fear of sounding stupid.

I do hope your 2011 is better than 2010.

falnfenix said...

i guess i'll be the crass one.

fuck the haters. may they suffocate on their own vitriol.

Rob K said...

Turn off comments if you need to. I like what you write. People care about you and what you write. They wouldn't argue in the comments otherwise.

instinct said...

Breda, do what you want and like Fainfenix said - fuck the haters.

Though you and I have never met, you are a friend of my friend Jennifer and that make you good in my book.

Patrick said...

Take your time. Do what makes you happy, safe and secure. You are admired and loved by friends and strangers alike.

And the haters can walk east or west until their hats float.

Chip said...

Robert hits the nail on the head Breda. I looked at my list of blogs that I read an lo and behold there are more women than men. They are all intelligent strong women with a voice of their own. I like what they say, probably because my grandmother was a strong woman when that was frowned upon as she was born in 1900. I always picture the haters as pasty faced little gnomes sitting in their underwear in their mom's basement pouring out their nasty little comments. So forget about them, take break if you need to, but don't let them win.

maddmedic said...

What all have said.
I second.
I love books.
Guns.
Your a gunslinging librairian.
Iread this blog everyday.

Take care of yourself.

drjim said...

Hang in there, kiddo! Lots of us appreciate your writing, and you just have to learn to shrug off the idiots that assault you.
Happy new Year!

Solo Survivalist said...

I don't comment much, but enjoy everything you write. Please don't let the negativity take away from the fun...

MonteG said...

Long time listener, first time caller here. Okay, not true; I think I commented once or maybe twice before... and I really only recently started reading. But, as others have said, I too enjoy reading your posts. I came for the gun talk and stayed for... well, all the rest.

Selfishly hoping that you keep the posts coming. But also hope that you just find a balance that works for you and makes you happy.

Good luck!
Monte

Newbius said...

BTDT. I still have the T-Shirt (and the scars). If you wrote out a grocery list, I would read. But, I might try to make a new recipe out of it. :)

Write what you want, for you and for nobody else. Those of us who care will read, and comment, and tease, because we are connected to you in ways you cannot imagine. The 'haters' can all go pound sand. None of them have the courage and strength and grit that you display every day just by getting out of bed and walking to get a cup of coffee.

You are pretty amazing, and I am honored to call you a friend.

(WV='Mulan' A fitting "Princess tale" of a woman showing remarkable strength in the face of difficult odds.)

Mr. Casey said...

The world in general, America in particular and more than that the anonymity of the internet is filled with individuals who lack personal responsibility and common (sic) decency. We see and hear of these people each and every day. They abound. My dear and wise friend, EM, calls them the LCD, the Lowest Common Denominator, the rude American, the oaf, the bully, the braggart, the ignorant combined with stupid.

I read maybe twenty-fice gun blogs and I read Tam, then Alan, then you and so on. I am very fond of you, dear woman, whom I've never met. We have common interests and to a great extent, sensibilities. I am as proud of you as a woman, wife, AMerican as I can be, you virtual stranger. Your triumphs I share, your losses I mourn.

2009-10 were a generally awful time for me; troubled marriage, heart attack, divorce, death of my dear brother at 43, loss of job, financial woes, kidney stones, etc, etc ad nauseum. I survived! I found a long lost love, we married! I am getting stronger each day, learning a new trade, leaving my tyrannical state to move where I can breathe and carry and live. I am living vs. existing for the first time in twenty years and I remember each day that I am the master of my fate, I am the old marine moving forward in a hostile world!

Diable the comments, take a blog break, do what you will. I will always treasure the joys and insights you have so kindly given myself and others and I wish you all the very best. Should you stop, I will understand. The good people here will.

I do, however, urge you to let your Irish get up as it were, to tighten your tactical corset, to lock and load and let the comments of those with no decency and no sense flow over you like so much dreck. Remember Paul Atredes! "I will bend like a reed in the wind!"

Thank You, dear Breda.

Mr. Casey said...

I do so apologize for the spelling, capitalization and grammatical errors. It's late! I'm tired!

Jim said...

I don't have anything that hasn't been said already, but hang in there. I hope this year gets off to a good start for you.

Jim

JB Miller said...

I love your blog. I feel it is safe to say, to echo, that for every hater there is a hundred people that love it. People that love you even though they have never met you. That is a damn good ratio for a controversial issue related blog.

2010 sucked for me too. Too many funerals. But a good thing did happen. I had the privilege to meet you in person. Drink beer with you and Jay and Mike and make fun of TBolt. Your blog did that. Find Friends. Real ones. From the other side of the keyboard.

I'll stand by, my friend.

RobertM said...

I hope 2011 is a much better year, wherever it may find you.

cybrus said...

Hey - if you need a break and find yourself in Pittsburgh, I'll buy you a beer or six!

Macbrun said...

Sending hugs. I always enjoy reading your blog. It's sad that people must be so rude, ignorant and hateful. Most of us admire you, even though we don't comment much.
Do what's right for you.

Phillip said...

Breda, you're aces. Ignore the trolls, and do what makes you happy. Turn off comments, stop posting for a while, whatever. The trolls will go away after a while, and I guarantee that for every troll you get, you've got at least ten readers like me that don't comment much.

Willorith said...

I've had some bad years. Two of my brothers died in two years.

I can't say anything to make you feel better now. However, in the fullness of time, you will grow stronger. The pain you know today will become strength. You will come to know that you can get through anything.

Sweet child, I hurt with your pain but you must bear it yourself.

I read you every day. You are a bright shining light in the blackest night. A warm glowing cottage in a clearing in a bitter cold blizzard.

Be good to your self.

Willorith

John B said...

don't let the bastards wear you down. Just point me in the general direction of the trolls.

Despite my new love, some things are happening that make me feel meaner than I ever have.

Montana said...

When reading comments, only worry about what people say if you know them. You don't know me, but I know that you like many of the same things I do, good cooking, books, guns, cats. Please don't go the way of Xavier. I miss his writing and I hope that I don't have to learn to miss your writing as well.

Christina LMT said...

Illegitimi non carborundum!

Or words to that effect, Breda. I second (thirty-third?) what everyone else says. You are the bomb and we love you. :)

Someone said...

Totally concur with DiveMedic on this one.
Non Illegitimi carborundum.

Larry from Belleville, Canada

Ed Rasimus said...

Life is short. Anonymous fools abound. Prevail!

Non illigitamus carborundum est...or however that goes.

Boyd K said...

Thank you for blogging, your writing inspires passion in your readers. It's a shame that many folks can't express the passion they feel as eloquently as you can, but that's why comments can (and probably often should) be ignored ;) IMO. Have a rapidly improving Christmas season and a happy 2011. Do what makes that best for you. Selfishly I hope that includes blogging but... meh. Be happy. BoydK425

Glenn B said...

I sent you an email on this.

All the best,
Glenn B

liz4ever said...

I have been silently reading your blog for months. I look forward to every entry. They either make me chuckle or think.
I guess I should have said something earlier, but thanks for doing what you do.

Tennessee Budd said...

We'll be here for you.
No matter what it may be, you've survived worse. We're pulling for you. You run until you can't, then you crawl, and then...you know the rest. We'll carry you.

Wiz said...

Breda;

You know you're a hero to me. I told you that a long time ago. (Well, a long time ago in 'Net terms. ::grin::)

But you have to follow your bliss -- to put it in hackneyed new age terms. And if you're not finding bliss here, then I'd say you should drop it.

But you should realize -- I hope you do -- that the love directed toward you is greater and stronger than the picayune prickings of petty ankle biters.

Mark Alger

RuffRidr said...

I have enjoyed your blogging for quite some time now. And oddly enough, it was your posts about strangeness at the libraries that I enjoyed the most.

Here's to a better 2011. And let me just say thanks for the time and effort you had put into blogging.

JDS said...

Breda,

Been reading (daily!) for the past year, but have never commented. I lived the first 24 years of my life in NE Ohio, I love guns, and am a library junkie. Your blog has it all! I just have to say, I love what I read here...keep up the good work.

Cheers,
-Jason

teke175 said...

Breeda,
I enjoy your work both on your blog and your show. Keep your chin up and do what you need to do for you.

Warrior Knitter said...

I look forward to your posts & read every one. Ditto all positives everyone else said better than I could.

{{ hugs }} and recoil therapy!

SewerDweller said...

Breda,

You do good work. Dont take the shitheads to heart. Follow your bliss. If your bliss takes you elsewhere than blogging, well, it's -your bliss- dammit.

I wish you the best on whatever you do.

PPPP said...

"Ambulance Driver said...



And I know an 8-year-old girl who thinks you're a hero. Who are you to argue with that? ;)"


What he said.
________________________

Breda, I am truly envious of you, and so many others, who can be so eloquent with the written word. Numbers, I can handle. Words, not so much.

Watching (or rather reading about) your growth as a gunnie, has been wonderful and fun. You don't let anything stand in your way.

I hope we can keep reading of your life, no matter how mundane it may seem to you, even when it is about some of the scrungy dudes you have to put up with at work. (You describe them SO well, I can almost smell them.)

Hang in there, little sister.

And for those who wonder about the latin above: "illigitimus non carborundum" (and it's various itterations) roughly translates as "Don't let the bastards get you down."

Eric said...

Standing by...

David said...

Write what you want, or not. Do what makes you happy. But if you write it, I'll read it. Screw the jerks and their s**tty comments.

Dave

stbaguley said...

Thanks for the words. It's nice to read someone who has their head screwed on properly. Especially when so many around us do not. That they (the cross threaded ones) do not like it; and do not like it enough that they actually write you about it should just confirm your value to the rest of us. Remember we are fighting our way through them too, you stuck your head up and drew fire, that,s all. Sit back down here in the trench with us and have a cup of something warm and a laugh. Happy New Year.

stbaguley said...

Thanks for the words. It's nice to read someone who has their head screwed on properly. Especially when so many around us do not. That they (the cross threaded ones) do not like it; and do not like it enough that they actually write you about it should just confirm your value to the rest of us. Remember we are fighting our way through them too, you stuck your head up and drew fire, that,s all. Sit back down here in the trench with us and have a cup of something warm and a laugh. Happy New Year.

stbaguley said...

Thanks for the words. It's nice to read someone who has their head screwed on properly. Especially when so many around us do not. That they (the cross threaded ones) do not like it; and do not like it enough that they actually write you about it should just confirm your value to the rest of us. Remember we are fighting our way through them too. You stuck your head up and drew fire, that's all. Sit back down here in the trench with us and have a cup of something warm and a laugh. Happy New Year.