Tuesday, March 22, 2011

nacho nanny

Last night, a man approached me at the reference desk. He looked nervous.

"As a responsible adult, I feel I need to say something."

I furrowed my brow, hoping I looked concerned. "Yes, sir?"

"There is a group of kids sitting back there by the window and they are tipping back in their chairs really far. They might fall." It seemed he was approaching a hand-wringing level of anxiety.

I blinked at him. Twice. "Are they being loud?"

(I knew this bunch of little delinquents. They come in with their skateboards, reeking of cigarette smoke and I have to kick them out on a regular basis for being assholes. The last time because they were running through the stacks shouting "PENIS!" at the tops of their lungs and the time before that was because they were pounding on the windows like baboons in the zoo. Their newest endeavor is writing obscenities with sidewalk chalk in the employee parking lot - open letters for their favorite librarians, I guess.)

"No! They are tipping back in their chairs! It's not safe."

I smiled, probably a bit more maliciously than I intended. "Well, you let me know when they fall. I'd be more than happy to call an ambulance if necessary."

14 comments:

Joseph said...

I'm so disappointed in this post. I thought it was going to be about a kindly woman who brought me cheesy tortilla chips.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

"Terrible Accident in Willoughby Lieberry: Youth Succumbs to Self-Inflicted Blunt Head Trauma Following Fall"

Mike W. said...

I guess you should be relieved that they were just yelling "PENIS" instead of running up to the reference desk and exposing themselves.

Rev. Paul said...

The city council will be deliberating a ban on tippable chairs at their next session.


WV: swornat - what you'd have gotten if you'd tried to intervene.

Jay G said...

Wow.

Although it does explain how Democrats get elected, though.

I mean, rather than do something about it himself - since he was obviously concerned - he wanted someone *else* to do his nannying for him...

Bubblehead Les. said...

What, you haven't installed the Airbag Equipped Safety Chairs per ADA Directive 178239-48 as issued by the White House Office of Do-Gooderism? Breda!

Just be glad there were no Bare Arms present. THEN you'd have a problem!

TheAxe said...

I love tipping my chair back, when people get worried i tell them that it's on me if I fall. Most just let it go then.

Weer'd Beard said...

Napalm sticks to kids!

Peter said...

If they do try exposing themselves, rather than just talking about body parts, may I recommend the use of brake parts cleaner as a preventive measure?

(Insert evil grin smily-face here . . . )

TBeck said...

I don't think I've ever prefaced a conversation with, "as a responsible adult". I'm not that good of a liar.

An Ordinary American said...

When I was those kids' age back in the early 70's, we were terrified of our librarian, Ms. Knight.

She weighed in at over 300 pounds, was uglier than an empty glass of buttermilk, and was rumored to have once been a professional wrestler.

When she glared at you, you stopped whatever you were doing--often times including breathing.

Old NFO said...

LOL- and of course no luck in the ambulance dept, right?

Chris said...

What? an authoritarian figure letting people do what they want even if they hurt themselves. Unheard of.

jtaylor said...

yet...the bad kids's lawyers now know you knew and did nothing to prevent the injuries. I hope there is no procedure for librarians to stop kids from leaning back in chairs in your library. :) lawyers...