That's my "holy crap! crazy person!" alert system. Made every single alarm bell in my head go off...
I look up from my desk to find a sketchy little crazy-eyed twitchy dude. He says he wants books on Elvis. ("Oh God, oh no - I have to go back into the stacks with him?") I took him to the books, did the "personal space two-step" (You take one step toward me, I take one step back. I am hyper aware of this since one of our younger librarians got groped in the 900's) and got the hell out of there before he called me "honey" or "wonderful" one more time.
I got back to the safe zone behind my desk and and before I could get back to ordering audiobooks*, Mr. Twitchy was standing at my desk. Again. And he just would not shut up. It was as if every single thought passing through his brain was falling out of his mouth. I sat there, smiling blandly in his general direction, trying my best to avoid eye contact because, I swear to Thoth, I don't think he blinked once during his entire rant and it was freaking me the fuck out.
I thought to myself, "If I just sit here very quietly, maybe he'll lose interest and move on." I forced myself into stillness. I thought happy thoughts.
I heard things like, "that's the way I do things here in Amerrrica" and "I warsh his boats and he makes sure to buy me a case of Coca-Cola everyday" and "I paid my debts, I owed the bookie a buck fifteen" and "I got a haircut yesterday, 'cause I was starting to look like a wolf!" There were no stops for this particular train of thought and I was being dragged along for the ride.
He paused long enough to ask, "Do you have a name, wonderful?"
My heart was thunking like crazy in my chest by this point and I'm sure my smile had long since disappeared. "NO," I said. "No, I don't."
He sure blinked then...and finally, blessedly, shut up.
*a study has shown that librarians get interrupted every five minutes, on average.