Saturday, March 21, 2009

post mortem

There comes a time when every couple has The Discussion - the one where you reveal what you hope happens to you after you die. Married for close to 10 years now and being slightly more morbid than your average suburbanites, Mike and I have had this talk a number of times. We've both decided on parties instead of funerals and non-traditional...uh...disposal, I guess you could say.

Somehow, the subject came up again the other day and I reminded Mike that I'd rather be cremated and didn't want to be buried anywhere.

"Yeah, me either," he said. "I want to rise from the grave and walk the earth as one of the undead. I want to be a zombie."

I can't decide if this is an improvement over his previous desires - being left on the curb in a Hefty bag on garbage day, a fiery Viking funeral on Lake Erie, or volunteering as a science experiment at The Body Farm.

25 comments:

jdege said...

A Viking funeral on Lake Erie seems like something of a fire hazard. (How long has it been since the lake last caught fire, anyway?)

Personally, I want to be composted. But no one in my family will support me in that.

Mike W. said...

"Mike and I have had this talk a number of times. We've both decided on parties instead of funerals."

Ha, my sisters and I had this very discussion today at lunch. We're all weird like that.

Eric said...

The university where I work is starting its medical school program this August. I want to donate my body to their program, then when they're done, I'll be cremated. Then I want my ashes loaded up and fired downrange!

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

If you can't perform 'friendships final duty' for Mike after he joins the ranks of the flesh-hungry walking dead, who will?

Bring the Bersa to the funeral, just in case. If he starts to get sick, try to hit the range and practice your headshots before that sad day when he shuffles off this mortal coil. And trades it in for that immortal coil.

You know, he'd look GREAT in zombie makeup. And a BIG intimidating shamblor he would make.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

Have you thought of asking him what kind of round/firearm he'd prefer to 'retire' him after he zombifies? It might make him happier if he could choose a fave to do the honors.

Miz Minka said...

There's always plastination. He could be appropriately posed, holding his favorite firearm ready to shoot some libtards.

Ugh.

I'd prefer cremation myself.

Rick R said...

You mean Mike wants to be used for TARGET PRACTICE???????

Warthog said...

I had this conversation with a now ex-wife. I told her I wanted to be cremated and have my ashes spread over Marilyn Chambers.

Was a hell of a good fight.

Vaarok said...

Sharpen your machete.

Assrot said...

I'd like to go out like Spock in "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan."

I wouldn't mind coming back like Spock in "Star Trek III: The Search for Spock" but not right away.

I think I'd like to wait a couple of millennia to come back though.

Joe

LibertyClay said...

I keep telling my wife that I want to be encased in a block of clear acrylic like those insect paperweight souvenirs that you see at the tourist traps. And then get shot into space. Maybe with a plaque at my feet that says "Vacation on Earth!" :0\

;0)

Wai said...

Is there anybody out there that can turn your ashes into frangible bullets?

Stretch said...

Or you could have your ashes loaded into shot shells and have us all over for one final range trip.

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/02/16/1076779911165.html

rickn8or said...

Favor cremation myself, with ExWife having first refusal when it comes to lighting off the retort. Then in-urnment in a blue mason jar, and given to my sons.

"It's yourweekend to take care of Dad!"
-or-
"Here. (rattle rattle rattle) Go play with Grandpa."

GF says it's The Body Farm for her.

Joanna said...

My thought right now is that I want a funeral, followed by a party. People need that time to grieve, and refusing them that because *you* don't want people crying over you strikes me as selfish. *You* won't know the difference, after all.

og said...

I want to be dismembered, and the individual parts cremated. I want my ass ashes to be thrown into nancy pelosi's face. The rest of me, you can just blow into the contact lenses of liberals. or mix with powder and load into commie-killing shells.

LabRat said...

I want to be buried at sea, which seems to be the last legal way to rejoin the food chain after death.

I would also like a nice commemormative marker- wherever- reading: "Back to the carbon cycle."

Jenny said...

"Yeah, me either," he said. "I want to rise from the grave and walk the earth as one of the undead. I want to be a zombie."

Move to Chicago. They'll guarantee he'll be walking at least once every four years. ;)

trebor1415 said...

Labrat,

There are certain cemetaries allowed to bury non-embalmed bodies and that don't have to use a vault. I read an article on one not to long ago.

I can't remember the details, but with some searching you should be able to find it. The Body Farm would work too for that...

Jay G said...

Cremated? Buried?

Hell no. I want to be stuffed and mounted and sat on the couch.

Probably get noticed more that way...

BobG said...

I always wanted to be cremated, then my ashes blown out of a cannon into the wind.

txmom2jami said...

My husband wrote out his instructions several years ago. When the day comes, he wants a party, and to either be buried in a pine box or cremated. Originally, it was supposed to be a full-blown New Orleans style jazz funeral ... but now, I think he's okay with a smaller party. He's written out the music, too. The two non-negotiables are I must buy a keg (he finds this hysterically funny) and the last song to be played is Jimmy Buffett's "Lovely Cruise." I plan to honor both requests if he goes first. But I hope I do, because I can't imagine living without him, and I don't really care about the details. Whatever is easiest on him. That would make me plenty happy. :)

Anonymous said...

Those likely to survive me already know:

"http://trappistcaskets.com/"

Willorith said...

We will take turns mounting you, Jay.

Larry said...

See now, morbid and creepifying I can handle.