John Mackey, the CEO of Whole Foods, wrote an OpEd for the Wall Street Journal in support of free market health care which resulted in union protests and a bunch of hippies getting their organic unbleached hemp knickers in a twist.
Mike and I always get a kick out of lefties in a tizzy so we decided to strap on our pistols and visit Whole Foods. I considered open carry for a moment but then thought it might be too much for the usual clientele and decided to be merciful. Besides, I wasn't really in the mood for being interrogated in the frozen food aisle. (Hey! What about my alternative lifestyle?)
Everything in the produce department is so lovely, from the stacks of heirloom tomatoes to the artful arrangement of speckled brown eggs, laying in moss-lined baskets. There are exotic mushrooms and yucca root right next to bunches of lemongrass but...
"Wait a minute...where are the regular bananas? I don't want organic bananas."
I am a Whole Foods heretic.
But what we don't buy in spotted, deformed vegetables is more than made up for because Mike and I stand powerless before the cheese selection. We always end up splurging - this time on a soft tangy buffalo milk cheese, a new-to-us bleu, and a nutty gruyere. We bought a bottle of Hop Stoopid IPA just for the name, ground up some fresh honey roasted peanut butter, discovered yogurt from Iceland and still managed to make it out of the store without having to take out a second mortgage on the house.
Sadly, there were no protesting hippies but we did see some looking mighty guilty as they surreptitiously served themselves at the hot smoked meat table.