(on being modular, I)
I'd answer "It's complicated," if someone were to ask how I felt about my own body. There have always been "I love you, but..." and "You'd be prettier if..." conditions on the relationship. I get angry at parts of my body as if they were separate from me. I feel betrayed by pain. As a result, the word "whole" is confusing, and I've never known how to use it. Does my prosthetic make me whole, or am I whole without it? Or perhaps, somehow, it can be both at once and I am truly more than the sum of my parts.
Amputees are so obvious in our asymmetry. I've always seen myself in halves - the sinister left and the just good enough right - and I've never known what it is to have one side mirror the other, either in appearance or sensation. I know what sand between my toes feels like, but I don't know it in stereo.
But despite a lifetime of feeling a bit like a puzzle missing a piece, I'm learning that negative space offers limitless potential...and it can be beautiful.