Sunday, June 19, 2011

lucky girl

Next year, when I turn 38, my father will have been gone for exactly half my life. I strain for memories now, wishing for nothing but the sound of his voice and getting a brief, odd glimpses instead - the scar under his thumbnail, his paint splattered boots, the way he'd pull his face when he shaved, the mysterious collection of coins in his pocket, the amount of sugar he'd take in his coffee, and oh, gosh, how he'd laugh. Sometimes he'll silently appear in a dream, smiling as if nothing is amiss and no time has passed at all. I'll carry him with me all through that next waking day, remembering that yes, once upon a time I had a dad who loved me.

16 comments:

Guffaw in AZ said...

And, how great is that?

(38, you're kidding!)

Breda said...

yup, just turned 37. :)

Heath J said...

If you have only a memory on Father's day, that's a hard one to beat.

I'm sure he'd be proud to be remembered that way. :)

Alan said...

You are very lucky indeed.

Tim said...

Damn touching.

Excuse me, I have to get some dust out of my eyes...

Marty said...

It's not cool to make me misty at work, dammit. (hug)

Jay G said...

As a father of a beautiful young lady, I would consider it a mark of true success were I remembered in such a manner.

And that dust seems to be getting around...

Ed Skinner said...

He still does.

crashonhead said...

You still have a father who loves you, he just isn't here right now. He loves you nonetheless.

Lila said...

You still do. Love is something that transends everything IMHO. It exists long after we are gone as long as the memory remains.

Mike W. said...

You are lucky Breda, and your Dad will always love you. I'm sure he's looking down on you, proud of the woman you've become.

drjim said...

Beautifully written, Breda.
You're giving Brigid a run for her money!

Breda said...

I didn't realize it was a contest, drjim.

Skip said...

I am so happy for you.
My dad was a dick.
The girls like me though.
So I got that.

instinct said...

Breda, I'm sorry your dad is gone, I know that when my dad passes away there will be a very large hole in my life.

Now that I'm a dad myself, I hope that there is enough time for my son to get to know his grandfather.

Your dad is still with you, that's why he keeps showing up in your dreams - to let you know that.

Crowndot said...

Breda, thank you for sharing your dad with me. It helps me remember my own parents (both gone now). The challenge of living with loss is finding ways to be true to the love we have in spite of the fact that the one we love is not here-and-now with us. Thinking of you, and wishing you peace and happy dreams.